The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the Fangirl
by Royazali
Summary: Sequel to The Two Bishies. Link Legolas and Pikachu have succeeded in saving Rohan but can they save Gondor? And what of Cloud and Riku? Will they be able to destroy the Pen in time? Find out in the conclusion to the Lord of the Pen trilogy! FINNISHED!
1. Minas Tirith & the Muster of Rohan

**Alright, guess what time it is? Its time for the thrilling conclusion to the Lord of the Pen trilogy! Alas! With the completion of this fic, all shall be over…'tear' But that isn't for at least a couple more chaps. But enough w/ the intro… I'll just say this now: If ya haven't read the others ya should. **

**Okay! Now be amazed as I intro Denethor!**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

Around mid-day, Kratos Aurion arrived at the citadel of Minas Tirith. His mission: To speak with the one replacing Denethor and locate Faramir. He sighed as his 'companion' appeared.

"It's-a me!, Mario!"

Shaking his head, they entered the throne room where Denethor waited…a rather short Denethor. His hair had to count for at least a foot of his height.

Kratos approached him and bowed. "Are you the one replacing Denethor…Hiei?"

The guy just glared at him.

"We are looking for your son, Faramir."

Hiei's eye twitched. "What? Who the hell told you that?"

"A very knowledgeable friend of mine, Legolas. He told me you would know where he is."

"Hn let me tell you this straight. I have not once, nor will I ever have a son. And if I ever find this Legolas, he shall pay dearly for his words."

Kratos and Hiei held eye contact until finally Kratos nodded.

"Very well. I see this is a waste of both our times… Sorry to have bothered you."

He turned to leave when he noticed Mario not following. Mario had walked up to Hiei and…Poke! Poked him. Hiei glared at him and removed his jacket, unsheathing his sword.

"I would refrain from doing that again," he said darkly.

"Momma-mia! It's-a male-a stripper!"

One quick slash and Mario lay decapitated on the floor. Hiei looked to Kratos expecting a challenge.

All he did was fold his arms and leave mumbling, "How am I going to tell Link this?"

**Later**

-Gasp! It returns!-

That night Kratos was touring the city when a huge demonic light shot up toward the sky.

"W-What is that light? Is it a form of the mana cannon?" he asked to no one in particular.

"It is a light from the Dead City… This world is surely doomed…" said a man to his right. He wore a long dark cloak and half his face was covered by a mask…

"I must contact Legolas somehow. But…he's in Rohan…"

"I've heard tell that the beacons of Minas Tirith connect the lands of Rohan and Gondor. Perhaps, if you were to light them Rohan would come…" said the Phantom.

"Beacons?" he paused. "That's it!" He turned to thank him but the Phantom was already gone…

Not wasting any time, Kratos hurried to the beacon and lit it with a fireball.

"Now we wait…"

**Link-Pikachu-Legolas**

Link was sorting through his equipment -which takes a while- when suddenly the mountain caught fire. Thinking they were under attack he looked for Legolas.

"Legolas! Legolas, the mountain's on fire!"

"What? Wait, calm down. What happened?" asked Legolas.

"The mountain! It suddenly caught fire!"

"It-" He gasped and looked at the mountain. "The beacons! The beacons of Minas Tirith are lit! Good work Kratos!" He turned to Cid, "Gondor calls for aid. What will you do?"

"Hmph, why the hell should I help them?"

"Lord Cid, this is what the army we built is for!" said Marth

"That right?" He paused. "Then it'd be a shame to waste it." He faced the Fellowship. "What th' hell we wait 'in for?-! Giddy-up!"

And so the Riders of Rohan left for Gondor…

**Meanwhile**

Squall and his men had been trying to stave off the attack on Osgiliath. But when Organization 13 showed up, things took a turn for the worse.

"Retreat! Everyone fall back! Retreat!" Squall shot a penguin as he ran for the exit. "Retreat!" he called again.

They had made it halfway to Minas Tirith when Marluxia and Xigbar descended upon them. Together they made short work of Squall's army. Just when they were about to be annihilated Kratos showed up and used Hell Pyre.

Marluxia and Xigbar dodged and were forced to retreat. With them gone the rest of the army safely arrived in Minas Tirith.

Squall took a moment to catch his breathe then turned to face Kratos. "I must thank you for saving me."

Kratos was about to respond when he went into Squall Mode.

"Are you perhaps a companion of Cloud and Riku?" he asked three minutes later.

He stared at him amazed, "How- You've seen them?"

"Yes, not two days ago."

"Then we still have a chance…" He paused. "Tell me what you know…"

**Link and co.**

On their way to Gondor they decided to make camp. That night Link had an unexpected visitor…

"Who's there?-!" he called. He reached for his lantern and when the light fell on his visitor he gasped. "What are _you_ doing here?"

"Mr. Link…" said Smith. "I come on behalf of the author…"

"The...author?" he asked confused.

Smith nodded. "She told me to give this to you…" He pulled out a sword and handed it to Link.

"The Master Sword! But how?"

"She also told me to deliver this message…" He pulled out a blue piece of paper and gave it to Link. It read:

_Link,_

_OMFG! I love you SOO Much! But not that way! Srry bout sword -forgot- Anywho, go thru the mountain and get the army dudes. Leggy'll know what Im talking about. Also, that 'Mario issue'…don't worry about it. I took care of it._

_See ya!_

_P.S-Kratos is fine._

He finished reading it and looked at Smith even more confused.

"Its nice to know Kratos is fine but what is the rest about?"

"You expect _me_ to know?"

"Yeah…guess not…" He put the note away and turned to leave. "Guess I'll go find Legolas…Thanks."

So five minutes later he found Legolas who knew exactly what I was talking about. And soon they departed, or tried to… Zelda got in the way…

"Link, where are you going? You cannot leave on the eave of battle! I-We need you!"

He sighed, "I must go. It is the author's will."

"Well, if I cannot disuade you…Let me go with you!"

"No!"

"But I can fight!" she argued.

Linked sighed and embraced her. "It'll be okay, I'll be fine… I need you here so you can watch over things while we're gone." He pulled back and looked at her. "Okay?"

She looked at him, tears in her eyes, and nodded.

"Thank you…" He smiled and left, leaving Zelda behind.

* * *

**Aww…how cute!**

**Anyways… I redid this so it'd be longer, cuz you guys deserve the best! **

**Special thanx goes especially to Yoko Kiara. (How'd I do on my Hiei?) and xXSummerXx (Yay Phantom!) cuz they've been there since the beginning. Yay, Cookies!**

**If ya want more yer gunna have to wait till chap 2!**

**Till next chap!**


	2. Crossdressers & Pirates omg!

**Continuing our fic, Cid goes to war while Link and co. meet up with the undead army. How will this turn out? Read and find out! **

**And for future reference: NEVER argue with a pirate…**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

That morning the Rohan army prepared to leave…

"Lord Cid! I cant seem to find that stupid Elf anywhere!" yelled Marth. Two seconds later he tripped.

"Link? Eh, don't worry 'bout that kid. He's probably got his reasons." He paused. "You ready to leave?"

"Yes, My Lord."

"Good cuz I wasn't gunna wait for yer ass. Lets g-"

"My Lord Cid, please wait!"

"Who the fuck dares to interrupt my-Oh Zelda!" He coughed. "What can I do for you?" he asked friendly.

"I wish to fight."

"NO!" yelled Marth. "Zelda, we've been over this before. You have to stay here and-"

"So you wont let me fight?" she said upset.

"Er, that's right…"

She glared at him angrily then left. "Stupid men…Why cant I fight? Because Im a girl? Well, I can fix that…"

On the other side of camp, Sesshomaru was being, well, Sesshomaru.

"You there, Sesshomaru was it?" asked a man behind him.

Sesshomaru said nothing.

"Are you not going to war?" he asked.

"I see no reason to get involved in a war with humans."

"Hm, but you know… The sooner this war is over, the sooner you can return to your own world."

Sesshomaru looked at the man, "Who are you?"

"I go by the name Sheik. A pleasure to meet you Sesshomaru. I hope to see you on the battlefield…"

With that he turned to follow the rest of the army. Sesshomaru following…

**Link-Pikachu-Legolas**

The Fellowship's journey through the mountains was a dull one. With nothing to look at but rocks, who _wouldn't_ get bored?

"So, what kind of army would live here?" asked Pikachu.

"One that is cursed…" informed Legolas.

Pikachu gulped, "C-Cursed?"

"Long ago, Men of the Seas found a treasure. A treasure of Aztec gold… Greedily they took it, gambled it away, and reaped the spoils. Till time passed and they learned of the curse… Never to rest, until all pieces of the treasure were found…" He cut his story short as they came to an opening.

"The way is shut. It was made by the Dead. And the Dead keep it. The way is shut." read Link. "Kind'a cryptic, huh?"

"Cryptic or not, this is the path we must choose." And with that Legolas entered into the mountain.

"Welp, cant be any worse than the Shadow Temple…" Thus goes Link.

"T-That's right! You guys go get the army and I'll stay here." said Pikachu. He heard a twig snap behind him and he jumped. "Guys? Guys! Wait for me!" So now all three of them passed into the mountain.

They had been traveling awhile when they came upon a huge cavern. A stream of moonlight trickled down from an opening in the ceiling…

"Who dares enter my domain?"

"One who has need of your strength," said Link bravely. Gotta love that Triforce of Courage!

"Har har. Yar a gutsy lad, I'll give ye that. But we pirates aren't inclined to do anything you scallywags have to say."

"You _will_ do as I say." said Link threateningly.

Captain Barbossa just laughed as other pirates joined in and encircled them.

"Did ye not read the sign? The way is shut. It was made by the Dead. And the Dead keep it. The way is shut…"

With each word they came closer. As they stepped into the moonlight, they revealed their true selves. Skeletal beings, neither living nor dead.

"Now, you die…"

Barbossa cocked his pistol, aimed it at Link and was about to fire when-

"WILL!"

Jack Sparrow-srry- _Captain_ Jack Sparrow swaggered up to Legolas and embraced him in a hug.

"Long time no see, mate!"

"Um…Excuse me?"

"He a friend of yours?" asked Link.

"I don't-"

"Jack Sparrow!" yelled Barbossa. "How in blazes did you get off that island?"

Jack looked at him. "Roped me a couple sea turtles, savvy?"

"Sea turtles?"

"Oh! You know Mr. Turtle?" asked Link.

Jack looked at him like he was crazy. "Uh, Will, I think your brother isn't all there, if you catch my meaning?"

"You calling me an elf?-!"

"Not unless the one speaking did the calling."

"Pika?"

"Enough!" yelled Barbossa. "I don't care _how_ you got off that island. Kill them!"

"I wouldn't be doing that if I were you, mate." said Jack.

"And why wouldn't I be wanting to do it?"

Jack smiled, "Oh William-"

"My name is Legolas," he said annoyed.

"Alright then… Leg of a Lass, lets see your medallion, shall we?"

All eyes turned to Legolas.

"My medallion? But what would you want with something like that?" He showed the crew his medallion, which looked exactly like 821 other pieces.

Barbossa gasped, "But how?"

"Heh, its rare that you see a character in a story with a relation to another. When that happens they usually carry similar traits. The medallion, for example." informed Jack.

Barbossa laughed. "Now, Jack…You're a clever one to be sure but not clever enough to not play all your cards… Bring me that medallion, boys!"

The pirates charged the Fellowship in hopes of getting the medallion but Jack still interfered.

"You know, its that kind of rash behavior that got you cursed in the first place…"

"What was that?-!"

By now he had everyone's attention.

"He may have the medallion, mate. But he isn't Will Turner, savvy?"

"And what do ye expect me to do, hm?"

"Me? Why, I expect you to let these guys go fight their war, in which you help of course. And in exchange, you get the precious medallion…"

"Why would they help us when they can just take it from us?" asked Pikachu.

"Um, Leg of a Lass, you might want to keep a lid on your rodent," said Jack.

"Its Legolas!"

"Forgetting the Elf, the rodent has a point…"

Seeing as this conversation was going no where, Link decided to step up.

"If you wont help us, then we'll just have to fight you."

"Hahahar! The elves of this world are certainly bold!"

Link glared at him darkly, "What did you say?"

"But we all know ya cant kill that which is already dead…"

Link drew his sword. "I beg to differ… Killing undead enemies is one of my specialties…"

And he wasn't lying! Barbossa could tell too. He eyed the Mater Sword warily.

"Not good! Parley! Before anyone does anything stupid! Parley!"

"Aw now what?-!"

"I hoped I wouldn't have to resort to this but…" Jack pulled out a blue piece of paper.

"Hey! I know what that is! Its from the author!" said Link.

"The author? But how?"

Jack ignored him and read:

_Barbossa,_

_Im sick and tired of this argument. So do whatever Legolas and Link say or else-_

Jack paused.

"Or else what?"

He started laughing and continued:

_Or else I'll dress you and your crew in pink tutus and have you paint your ship pink with flowery sails._

_P.S-Tell Link I said Hi._

Jack turned to Link, "Hi."

"Uh…hello?"

"So what do you plan on doing, Barbossa?"

"Under the conditions, we have no choice…"

Pikachu sighed, "Finally! Can we go now?"

"If we are in accord," said Barbossa.

"The medallion for your service?" asked Legolas.

"Aye"

"Very well then, agreed…"

And so after a lengthy argument, the Fellowship, accompanied by the pirates, boarded the Black Pearl on their way to Gondor.

* * *

**Like I said, don't argue with pirates…phew…**

**So, the board is set, the pieces are moving…We come to it at last! The final showdown! -Not really but- How will the battle for Middle Earth turn out? I don't know but a huge battle scene plus randomness equals total chaos! Stay tuned!**

**Till next chap!**


	3. The Battle begins!

**You guys ready for the biggest fight scene ever? I hope so cuz that's what ya got! Its fan girls vs. bishies in this chap of chappiness! Here we go! It's the battle for Gondor!**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

Speaking of Gondor, Kratos had just arrived at the Citadel with Squall and was facing Hiei.

Hiei glared at Kratos, "You again…" Turning to Squall he asked, "And who the hell are you?"

Kratos bowed. "Lord Hiei…This is Squall, your-" He paused. "This is Squall."

"Hn and why should I care?"

"Because he-"

Just then a screeching penguin whizzed by the window, followed by an explosion.

"Th' hell?"

All three rushed outside. What they saw could only be described as chaos. Millions of penguins, dwarves and even Nobodies were arranged in war formation outside the gates of Minas Tirith.

They watched as a penguin, strapped with explosives, boarded a catapult and was sent flying into the lower city where it, well, exploded. Penguin after penguin were launched, continuing the attack.

"This is horrible!" Squall turned to the others. "We must do something!"

"Hmph, why should I get involved with a battle with humans?" asked Hiei bored.

"Because if we lose this battle, the Fan-Girl Queen will take over!"

"What do I care? I'll simply take over this world myself…" He began walking away but Kratos got in his way.

"The Fan-Girl Queen will never allow that. She is too strong."

"Are you saying I could be bested by some fan-girl?" He asked darkly. "Hmph. This worthless rabble is nothing!" With that he jumped from the citadel and into the battlefield.

Squall smiled, impressed. "Nice work… What are you going to do now?"

Kratos turned to the problem at hand. "Im going to defend our position from the wall… Will you be joining me?"

"No, I must protect the hotdogs."

Kratos stared at him, shocked, -something that doesn't happen often- as he left. Shaking his head, he descended towards the wall as the battle began…

As the suicide penguins crashed into Minas Tirith the guards fired back. It was a battle of the catapults as neither side was giving in. Occasionally they would destroy the penguin catapults but they were making no progress…

Just then Organization 13 decided to pay a visit. Marluxia, Larxene, Saix, Luxord, Xigbar, Xaldin, and Xemnas descended upon the city of Minas Tirith destroying anything in their path. Xemnas took it upon himself to destroy the city's catapults while the others reined havoc on the citizens and soldiers.

Up on the wall, Kratos was using Eruption to destroy the enemy in groups when one of the towers breached the wall. Cursing, he drew his sword and prepared to fight.

Dwarf after penguin after Nobody stormed the city like a fan girl at an anime expo. One after another they fell but it didn't matter, they just kept coming…

"Dammit! Do they not end?" Kratos slashed a dwarf across the back as he spun around to launch a fireball at another. He just got the spell out when a penguin strapped with explosives came flying at him.

"Kratos! Watch out!"

With a mighty 'bang' Squall fired a shot at the penguin which fell in mid-flight, dead.

"Squall! What-"

"Its okay, the hotdogs are safe." He reassured him.

"Uh…Whatever you say…Help me with this will you?"

So Squall and Kratos worked to clear the wall. But what they didn't know was that a new obstacle, in the form of a giant Hello Kitty, was headed their way…

**X**

Down on the battlefield, Hiei was busy killing his 500 and something penguin when suddenly the Fan-girls attacked.

"HIEI!" they squealed.

They surrounded him in a Glomp-Formation and charged. Hiei was soon buried by the swarm of fan girls.

"Hiei!"

"Squee!"

"Where's Yoko?"

"Lets cut his hair!"

"GET OFF!"

Moving faster than the eye could trace, Hiei quickly decapitated all of them.

"Hmph, is there no one here worthy of my challenge?"

"If you're looking for a worthy opponent then look no further."

Hiei looked up to see Marluxia descending in a shower of flower petals.

"What are you supposed to be? A Kurama wanna-be?"

Marluxia flicked his hair. "I am _far_ more beautiful than that girly man." He took hold of his scythe and faced Hiei. "Come! Challenge me!"

They charged each other.

**X**

The battle wore on, far into the night. Just when Kratos and Squall had cleared most of the city, Axel decided to show up.

"Hahahaha! Burn! Burn!" He threw several fireballs, torching the city.

Kratos and Squall ran to the gate, aiming to stop him.

"You there!" shouted Squall. "Why are you doing this?"

Axel stopped his attack and faced them. "Why? Heh, cause it's simply what I do. The names Axel, got it memorized?"

He conjured a fireball and was aiming to throw it at them when the gate gave a mighty shudder.

"What the?"

Outside, the fan girls had created a giant Hello Kitty battering ram and were trying to get in, chanting:

"Bishie bishie in the city, Bishie bishie say Hi to Kitty!"

The soldiers around them went to run but Kratos stopped them.

"You are soldiers of Gondor! Whatever comes through that gate, you will stand your ground!"

Soon the gate crumbled against the bashings of Hello Kitty. The knights steadied their weapons, awaiting the enemy. Suddenly three unicorns came through the gate…

"We're here, Charlie! It's the Temple of the Banana King!"

"Great! Let's leave the amulet and go home…" He looked at Kratos. "Who is that?"

There was an awkward pause.

"No really, "continued Charlie, "You guys see him, right? I gotta be honest, Im getting creeped out here. Somebody say something!"

"ATTACK!"

A swarm of fan girls, Nobodies, and unicorn riding penguins filtered into the city. The three unicorns were soon forgotten as the battle commenced, again…

This time Larxene and Xigbar decided to drop in. Combined with Axel and Saix things were not looking good… Regrettably Kratos called for a retreat.

"The city's been breached! Fall back to the second level! Fall-" He was cut off as a unicorn penguin -lets called them uniguins- rammed him.

"Kratos!" yelled Squall.

"Don't worry about me. Get the women and children out of here! I'll hold them off…"

Squall nodded. "Retreat! Come on!"

Leon and the guards fought their way to the second level while escorting the civilians to safety. He looked back to Kratos as they closed the gate on him…

**X**

Kratos turned his back to the gate and faced the oncoming wave of penguins, fan girls, dwarves, Nobodies, and uniguins. He closed his eyes in concentration and raised his sword.

"I shall bind you with these holy chains…Shining Bind!"

**X**

Squall had just secured the gate when a horn sounded in the distance. To the west the sun was rising -doesn't the sun rise in the east? O.o- But that's not all…

"CID!"

Indeed, Cid's army had arrived! He looked down on the two armies, surveying the scene. It was absolute chaos. The city was burning and the enemy was still coming strong. Although there was a huge gap where Hiei was, seeing as no one wanted to mess with him.

"Holy Shit! We have to get into _that_?" He sighed and faced his army, which Sheik, Marth and Sesshomaru were in.

Down on Pelannor Field, the enemy was forming ranks to confront this new threat.

"Alright, looks like its speech time!" He pulled out a blue piece of paper. "Why do I have to do this?" he mumbled. Clearing his throat he read:

"Arise! Riders of Rohan! Spears shall be shaken, shields shall be splintered… A sword-day, a red day…ere the sun rises!"

He paused and scratched his head. "This doesn't even make sense… Oh well…" He continued:

"Ride now! Ride for ruin…and the world's ending!"

The army cheered, ready.

"Let's show these bastards what we're made of!" He raised his lance, "FORTH EORLINGAS!"

Following Cid's command, they charged.

The dwarven archers fired their arrows but still Cid's army came. They fired again but nothing could stop them. They charged straight into the enemy like a chocobo at the races, killing anything in their path. Decapitated penguin here, unicorn shanking -shiving- there, and some fan girl mutilation…

All in all it was going well. They had just gotten the enemy to retreat when _they_ appeared…**

* * *

You know what? Im gunna end it here… I Knew this would be a 2 chap thing…'sigh'**

**So how's the battle so far? Its only gunna get more random from here, so make sure your sanity meter is high!**

**I gotta admit the suicide penguin flying at Kratos is my favorite! Tee hee. Although protect the hotdogs was good…**

**The battle continues in chap 4!**

**Till next chap!**


	4. The Battle ends!

**Alrighty! You guys ready for the craziest war scene you will ever read? Well…yeah, not really…But anyway! Lets find out how the battle for Gondor ended, shall we?**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

An army of Leopluredons was fast approaching, each laden with fan girls and penguins. The men quailed, unsure of what to do.

Cid swiped his nose with his thumb and spat. "Looks like this'll be fun after all!" He faced his men, "Rally to me, boys! We're taken' em down! Charge!"

And charge they did. It was man vs. leo as they met. The leopluredons would swipe at them with their flippers or gnash at them with their teeth… But it didn't matter. They were fighting My cast, not the original…

One leopluredon decided to attack Sesshomaru, not a very smart thing to do… As it got closer, Sesshomaru could hear the fan girl's screaming:

"OMG! Its Fluffy!"

"Where's Legolas?"

His eyes narrowed in anger. "Dragon Strike!" With that, the leopluredon and everything around it disintegrated.

Just west of him, Marth was facing off against his own leopluredon.

He fixed his hair, getting ready for his 'moment'. He stared at the leopluredon defiantly and raised his sword.

"For you, Princess!" he shouted.

Charging, sword first, he quickly unleashed a critical upon the leo, resulting in an instant K.O. He twirled his sword elegantly and searched for his next opponent.

Hiei on the other hand had already finished off his opponent.

He glared down at Marluxia mercilessly, "You were a worthy opponent to be sure. But I don't have no time to waste on you…"

He turned around and came face to face with three leopluredons, all coming his way.

He grinned sinisterly, "Time to use _that_…" Hiei extended his right arm and as he did so a huge demonic aura swept around him. "Dragon of the Darkness Flame!"

A wave of darkness, in the form of a dragon, completely engulfed and obliterated the leopluredons and everything it came into contact with. Not only did it annihilate the three leos, it seemed to destroy most of them as well.

He smirked to himself, satisfied.

**X**

Over to the east Cid was rallying his troops when Xemnas shanked him and he died. No glorious death scene…just shank and death.

Xemnas turned to find another opponent and located Sheik coming at him, enraged.

"That's it…Hate me…Show me your anger… I shall start the rebuilding of my Kingdom Hearts with you…"

He pulled out his duel light sabers -yes light sabers- and the battle started.

He swung at Sheik who lithely dodged and threw a couple daggers at him. He simply blocked them with his other saber and fired a dozen light beams at him.

Sheik used his whip to deflect the beams. As he turned around he got hit with a stream of nothingness and was flung backward.

Xemnas grinned and moved in for the kill.

**X**

Over by Osgiliath, the back up army for the enemy was about to get a big surprise…

"Hey, what's that?"

"Squee?"

They turned toward the river in which a ship had just made port.

"OMG! It's the Black Pearl!"

"Kyaaa! Will!"

Indeed it was the Black Pearl but Will wasn't on board. As soon as the ship was docked, Link jumped off, followed by Pikachu and Legolas. There was a moment of silence as each party took the other in.

Link grinned, "Finally some action!" He drew his sword and charged.

"Hmph, I wonder who's going to win this round?" asked Legolas as he drew his bow and started firing, getting in the first kill.

"That's not fair!" yelled Pikachu as he too joined the battle.

True to their word, the pirates backed up the Fellowship as they made their way to Pelannor Field. No one could withstand their blades, seeing as they couldn't die. They swarmed the enemy army as they went to join their comrades…

**X**

Sheik slowly got up after taking Xemnas's nothingness attack. He winced in pain as he turned towards Xemnas.

"You are surly a warrior from the realm of light…"said Xemnas, "But no one man can defeat me…" He drew his light sabers.

Sheik glared at him defiantly and transformed.

"I am no man," said Zelda. She dodged to left, picking up a bow and arrow some poor soul had dropped, and imbued it with magical power.

"Hya!" She released the Light Arrow which scored a direct hit.

Xemnas recoiled from the blow and started to fade. "I need…more rage…I need…more…hearts…"

And so passes the leader of Organization 13.

**X**

On the other side of the battlefield, Legolas and co. were cleaning up the northern part of the field…

"Seventeen! Eighteen! Twenty!" counted Legolas as he got a double K.O.

"Ha! There's a reason why I have a bow _and_ a sword!" boasted Link. "Im on twenty-seven!"

"Uh, guys? What are we going to do about that?" asked Pikachu as he pointed at an oncoming leopluredon.

Legolas grinned, "Leave it to me…"

Catching hold of one of its flippers he jumped onto its back. He grasped his bow and started firing.

"Twenty-one, twenty-two, twenty-three…"

He dodged out of the way as a fan girl tried to glomp him. Taking knife in hand, he severed the rope connecting the saddle for the leopluredon. All the penguins and fan girls fell to the ground where the pirates made short work of them.

Stringing three arrows at once, Legolas fired at the leo's neck joint, instantly killing it. He slid down its snout gracefully as it fell to its death…right on top of Luxord. Thus Luxord dies.

Legolas grinned satisfied. Link and Pikachu just looked stunned. Until-

"Legolas, look out!"

Pikachu quickly tackled the person who tried to attack Legolas. It was Larxene.

"How dare you kill my boyfriend?-!" she yelled in that annoying voice of hers.

They looked confused.

"Your boy…friend…?" He looked to the leo. "Oh…oops…"

"Say that to my daggers!" she screamed. She threw a full set of lightning imbued daggers at them which they dodged. -duh-

"Lightning, huh? I'll take you on!" challenged Pikachu.

"But-"

"No, Legolas…This one is mine…" He stared Larxene down, determined.

"C'mon, Legolas. Lets give him his fight. Lets go…"

So Link and Legolas left Pikachu to his battle.

**X**

"Hmph… So you work for the Fan Girl Queen?" asked Pikachu.

"Yeah, so what? Why would a rodent care about that?" she questioned as she readied more daggers.

"Because it was Fan Girl Queen who took Dumbledore away!" he cried.

"Dumbledore?" she pretended to think. "Heehahaka, I heard he met a Pitiful end!"

"Take that back!"

"Why don't you make me?"

"Pika!"

Pikachu charged her with a head butt but she simply dodged and threw a couple daggers at him. Using agility he dodged all six.

"Impressive…For a rodent!" she teased.

Pikachu grit his teeth and used Thunder. Larxene took it all in without flinching.

"Pi?"

"Hee, that all you got? Then try this!" She unleashed her own Thunder attack, which connected.

Pikachu flinched in pain as the negative bolts coursed through his body.

"Heehahaka, what's the matter? Do you want more? Then be my guest!"

She laughed maniacally as she continued her attack. Pikachu took it all in, storing the electricity for his ultimate attack… Finally she finished.

"Had enough yet?" she called sweetly. In an evil way of course.

He looked up at her. "Im just getting started…" With a mighty 'Pika!' He unleashed his best move: Volt Tackle.

"Wha?"

A ball of electricity surrounded Pikachu. Filled with electric power he wasted no time in tackling Larxene. She screamed in pain as the shock of negative and positive electricity coursed through her.

"No…this cant be…" she whispered as she started fading. "Luxord…I-" She faded into nothingness as her life came to an end.

Pikachu sighed then-

"Pi-Pikachu!"

As Pikachu reunited with Link and Legolas, the battle was drawing to a close. The pirates had already cleared the Field and were working on securing the city.

"Well…" he panted, "We did it…"

"Yes, but I wonder how the others faired…" said Legolas solemnly.

"Only one way to find out…Lets go…"

So the Fellowship headed out.

**X**

"Lord Cid…Please, open your eyes!" cried Zelda. "Cid…" She cradled his head in her lap as she began to cry.

"What seems to be the matter, miss?"

She turned to see Squall standing behind her. Upon seeing Cid, he quickly knelt beside her.

"Cid! Cid wake up! Wake up, dammit!" he yelled.

Zelda shook her head. "Its no use…He-He cant hear you anymore…"

"What?" He looked at her in disbelief but quickly smiled.

"Why do you smile happily?" she asked confused.

He simply gave her another smile and pulled a feather from his jacket. Raising it in the air he shouted, "Phoenix Down!"

The Down burst into flame and showered over Cid in a mysterious light. Cid slowly stirred and opened his eyes.

"Zelda? Wha?" He looked at Squall. "What th' hell you do 'in here?"

He laughed. "Same old Cid…"

Cid got up, shaking his head, "What the hell happened? I feel like I just got shanked or something…"

"You did," said Zelda finally, she had been staring at Squall in amazement. "A man with duel light sabers killed you."

"You mean Xemnas?" asked Squall.

"I-I suppose…" she blushed.

"Wait, Xemnas?" he paused, thinking. "You mean to tell me I got killed by some guy named Man Sex? Ah, how humiliating! Fuck!"

Squall and Zelda laughed at his tirade.

"Zelda?" came a familiar voice.

They turned around and Zelda nearly burst into tears. Standing there was Link, accompanied by Legolas and Pikachu.

"Link!" she cried, running into his arms.

He embraced her and held her tight. "What in the world are you doing here?"

"I wanted to help you…" she said.

He smiled, "Silly you don't have to go to war to help me. What helps me the most is knowing you're safe…"

"Oh Link…"

Legolas turned to the others in order to give them their 'moment' while Pikachu gagged in a corner.

By the end of the day, Hiei had gotten the most kills followed closely by Kratos. Sesshomaru had gotten the least because for some reason he disappeared for half the battle… And out of the Organization members only four remained, seeing as Squall had already killed Lexaeus at Osgiliath.

Now the Fellowship and their companions enjoyed a well deserved rest…**

* * *

OM-Fa-Jebus! You don't know How long it took me to write this war scene…'phew' No More War Scenes! So, all in all, how was it? **

**Just for info purposes: Kratos won at the battle for Helm's Deep.**

**And yes, Cid lives! YAY!**

**Till next chap!**


	5. The Tower of Bishie Hell

**All right! Here it is, chap 5! But is this the end? Actually, it Was but I was selfish and wanted to end it at 6...Anyway!  
Random: Did you know you cant type the name of the site in stories? -O.o- I had to type it all out...wierd...  
**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

The fan girls had taken Cloud to their Tower hideout where they had stripped him down, tied him up, and placed him in their finest living quarters.

Slowly he awoke. He could hear someone rummaging through something but dared not move. Behind him the fan girls were 'squeeing' over his belongings…

"Oh wow! Look at all this materia!"

"Look, its his Ribbon!"

"How cute!"

Over by the corner a fight had broken loose…

"I want his shirt!"

"No me!"

"Give that back!"

The little brunette picked up a pillow and whacked her with it. The other threw the pillow back but missed. It whizzed by the brunette hitting a red head behind her. She turned around, full of rage, and threw the pillow back.

Soon an all-out pillow fight had broken loose…

Meanwhile

Riku had followed the fan girls to their hideout and was about to charge in when he heard the sounds of the fan girls killing each other with pillows. He waited and soon no sounds came from the Tower.

"Well, might as well go now…" Keyblade in hand, he charged in…and wished he hadn't…

The place was a bishie nightmare. Dozens of yaoi couplings hung on the walls and plushies abound. There were cut outs, posters, key chains, anything you could imagine covering every inch of the place.

He grimaced in disgust as he moved through the place. Curiously he turned on one of the computers. It was on fan fiction dot net. He was about to click on a story when he read the description:

_In this story we learn of the hidden love triangle between Ansem, Riku, and Sora. Will Riku turn to the light? Or has Ansem tainted his heart with darkness? This fic contains yaoi, rape, violence and Riku abuse._

He backed away from it in fear. As he did so, he bumped into another computer. He turned around and screamed. This time it was on photo bucket, showing a pic of RikuxCloud.

Closing his eyes, he ran up the stairs and bumped into something…

"Kyaaa!"

It was a fangirl.

"Oh no…" He tried to run away but was glomped from behind.

"Riku! Come upstairs and play with Cloud!"

He gasped, "No!" He grabbed her wrists and flung her down the stairs. Gulping, he continued up…

**X**

Cloud struggled against his bounds. He was almost free when a fangirl walked in.

"Oh, Cloud! You're awake!"

He stiffened as she drew near.

"Don't be shy… I'll be gentle…"

"Sorry, but I wont!"

The fangirl gasped as Riku's Keyblade impaled her. She fell to the floor, her last thoughts being:

"_Cloud…Riku…together…'sniff' I die happily…"_

"Riku!"

"Cloud, you alright?"

"Yeah… Help me with this…"

Riku cut Cloud's bounds and soon he was free. He rubbed his wrists to get circulation back and looked to Riku.

"What?" he asked.

"I just never thought _you_ would come after me…"

He scoffed and folded his arms. "Not like I had a choice… You have the Pen, remember?"

"Oh yeah…" He looked around, "Where are we anyway?"

"Hell. And I'd rather not stay here longer than we need too…"

"Then lets go." He headed towards the door when Riku stopped him. "What?"

"I don't think it'd be very smart for Cloud Strife to be walking around half naked in a fangirl infested wasteland, don't you?"

"Uh…" he laughed nervously. "Right, but what should we do?"

Riku grinned evilly. "A nice neko cosplay would be cute. The fan girls would love it!"

Cloud smacked him.

"Alright, jeez… C'mon, we'll find _something_…"

Luckily one of the fan girls had a Cloud cosplay so everything turned out fine.

They left the Tower of Bishie Hell and entered Mordor. Their hearts dropped. Standing between them and Mt. Doom was an army of fan girls, dwarves, Nobodies, and uniguins.

"How-how are we suppose to-" stammered Riku despairingly.

"If we have to fight we will." said Cloud determined. "For now lets just try to get down the hill…"

So Cloud and Riku continued their trek to Mt. Doom.

Meanwhile

-'sniff' The last one 'sniff'-

Link, Legolas, Pikachu, Kratos, Sesshomaru, Cid, Marth, Zelda, Squall, and Hiei were currently at the Citadel, deciding on what to do now…

"Well, what do we do now?" asked Link.

Everyone turned to Legolas, he sighed.

"We cannot just stay here. The enemy is regrouping behind the walls of Mordor…"

"What of it? All they have are numbers. Any moron with half a brain could defeat Fan Girl Queen's army." stated Hiei.

"Hmm… That's true but those numbers aren't just for show." said Squall. "10,000 penguins, and who else knows what, now stand between Cloud, Riku, and Mt. Doom."

Hiei looked at him but said nothing.

"Well, that's it then, we're fucked. Aint no way them boys'll make it passed 10,000 fan girls…" Do I even have to say it was Cid who said that?

Suddenly Squall went into 'Squall-Mode'.

"What is he doing?" asked Zelda.

"Shhh… He's thinking…"

Seven minutes later he came back to reality and faced Cid. "Cid, how many of your men are battle ready?"

"Wha? Uh…I uh…"

"All of them." answered Marth.

He nodded. "Combined with Gondor's forces we could…" he trailed off.

"Wait! Are you saying we should combine forces and attack the Fan Girl Queen directly?-!" asked Link.

He nodded, "Something like that…"

"But that's never been done before…Could we win?"

"Its not about winning. All we're doing is drawing out her army so Cloud and Riku have a chance, correct?" asked Kratos.

Once again, he nodded.

"A diversion." _Squee, Legolas._

"But will it work?" asked Pikachu.

"C'mon! Its two bishies against seven! They'll come after _us_ for sure…"

So the armies of Rohan and Gondor marched towards the Black Gate. Three days later, they arrived…

Random Scene

Riku- Do you like pickles?

Cloud- No

Riku- Ok

Back to the Others

The armies had assembled in front of the Black Gate but still Mordor was silent.

"Where the fuck are they?-! I mean, come on! What do I have to do? Yell: Link and Legolas getting freaky while Squall teaches Zelda number 17?-!"

Before anyone could protest or even think about what he meant, the Black Gate opened. Millions of fan girls and what not poured out of Mordor. The Fellowship gasped and pulled back. Some of the men turned to flee but Link stopped him.

**(A/N) Alright! Speech time!**

Pulling out a blue piece of paper he read:

"Hold your ground! Sons of Gondor, of Rohan, my…uh…brothers! I see in your eyes…the same fear that would take the heart of me… A day may come when the courage of Men fails…when we forsake our friends and break all bonds of Fellowship…"

He turned to his own Fellowship and continued:

"But it is not this day. An hour of wolves and shattered shields when the age of Men comes crashing down. But it is not this day. This day we fight!"

He paused dramatically.

"By all that you hold dear on this good earth…I bid you stand, Men of the West!"

He raised his sword and as he did so the army cheered. He smiled to himself, satisfied.

"I could get used to this…"

"My speech was better." added Cid.

He was about to argue when the oncoming army surrounded them.

Pikachu sighed. "Never thought I'd die fighting side by side with an Elf…"

"What did you call me?-!"

"Calm down, Link, he's talking to me." said Legolas.

"Oh… Go ahead then."

"Never mind, you ruined the moment." pouted Pikachu.

They turned to face the Fan Girl Queen's army.

Link raised his sword and charged, "FOR NARNIA!"

The rest of the army had no clue what he was talking about but they charged too. It was bishies vs. fan girls part 2 as they did battle…

* * *

**Aw yes, the glorious cliffhanger before the final chapter, how lovely! All I can say about this chap is 'Poor Riku' Tee hee!**

**And yes, if you haven't guessed by now, I love the lotr speeches. That's why I rarely change them…**

**Anywho, any guesses as to what the ending will be? 'grins evilly' I cant wait! Actually I can cuz i dont want this to end but...**

**Till next chap!**


	6. The End: Or is it?

**Hello once again! Here it is, the final chapter! Will Cloud and Riku be able to destroy the Pen in time? Read and find out!**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

Cloud and Riku had just passed through the Plains of Gorgoroth and were about to enter Mt. Doom. Bored, Riku decided to strike up conversation.

"Hey, Cloud, where d'you think all the fan girls went?"

"Maybe there's a con somewhere…" he said sarcastically.

Pause

"Hey, Cloud, Where d'you suppose Neko went?"

"She's a fan girl so she's at the con," he continued, getting aggravated.

"Okay…"

Pause

"Hey, Cloud, why don't you like pickles?"

"Enough!" he yelled.

"Alright, jeez…"

Soon they passed under the Door of Sammath Naur and entered the volcano. They continued until they stood over the edge of the Crack of Doom, where the Pen would meet its end…

"Alright Cloud, toss the Pen into the fire…"

**X**

The bishies were doing extremely well for their second battle. Hiei had used the Dragon of the Darkness flame at the beginning of the battle, eradicating a fourth of her forces while Sesshomaru and Kratos worked on a third. Link, Squall, and Legolas were busy with the uniguins and Zelda and Pikachu had teamed up to kill the remaining penguins. Marth and Cid was lost, somewhere in the middle…

Everything was going fine until the remaining Organization 13 members showed up, as usual. They descended upon the Fellowship and quickly eliminated a third of their forces.

Link panted and threw the Megaton Hammer at a uniguin, killing it instantly. He turned around to slay another and gasped.

"OM 'effin G! It's the Great Deku Tree!" he shouted.

"That is no tree!" exclaimed Legolas. "Its an Ent! The Ents are here!"

"Not the trees again…" mumbled Sesshomaru.

Indeed, finally FINALLY the Ents appeared. They charged straight into battle, crushing the enemy with their mighty bark…roots? Yeah, roots. Their target: Organization 13.

Treebeard unhastily strode over to where Xaldin had been fighting and promptly stomped on him, crushing him to death. Upon seeing this, Xigbar turned to Axel.

"Axel, get them! They're trees, use your fire!"

He just smirked. "No can do, pal. Y'see, I make it a policy of mine not to kill the environment. Got it memorized?" With that he disappeared.

"Axel, you bast-Aaaahhhhh!" An Ent had gotten hold of him and crushed him to death with his fists.

Saix had turned to face the Ents when a random Punjab killed him… Thus ends Organization 13 -minus Axel, got it memorized?-

The battle wore on for another 3 to 5 minutes until finally the enemy was no more. Together, the Fellowship and Ents had succeeded in defeating the Fan Girl Queen's army. Everyone cheered, thrilled.

"We did it!"

"Yeah!"

"Yee-haw!"

"Pi-Pikachu!"

"Alright!"

"Yes!"

"Does my hair look ok?"

They all smiled at each other. Or at least those that _would_ smiled. The emo corner wouldn't. 'cough' Hiei 'cough cough' Sesshomaru 'cough'.

"Now we just wait for Cloud and Riku!"

**X**

"Toss the Pen into the fire!"

Cloud looked at him and nodded. Slowly he reached into his pocket, a look of surprise crossed his face.

"What? What is it?" asked Riku.

Cloud frantically searched his pockets. "I-It's not here… The Pen! Its gone!" He looked at Riku shocked.

He laughed nervously, "What do you mean, gone? Like losing your heart gone? Or killing Aerith gone?"

"LIKE KILLING AERITH GONE!" he yelled.

"WHAT?-!"

"Wait, maybe _you_ have it!"

"Huh? Right! Hold on!" He checked his pockets and gasped. "I don't have it!" he cried hysterically.

"Wait…If _I_ don't have it…" said Cloud.

"And _I_ don't have it…" said Riku.

"Then that means…" said both.

"NEKKKOOO!"

**X**

Miles away, safely at a con, Neko pulled out a pen from her pocket. It was _the_ Pen, the one pen, to rule them all!

She giggled to herself maniacally as she unfurled the blue piece of paper wrapped around it. It read:

_Dear Neko,_

_I hope you are reading this. If not, then I have failed… Hopefully that is not the case. Over the course of The Lord of the Pen trilogy my power has been failing. I have had to directly interfere with the world by use of these blue notes. Even now as I write this, the Pen threatens to take over… But I shall not give in easily._

_Neko, I shall fade soon and in my place, I need you to take over my work. I need you to make sure the bishies pay for trying to suppress me. The only advice I can give you is to trust in yourself and keep a spare Master Dew handy._

_My only regret is that I was unable to see this to its end…_

_Hoping your fic is full of reviews,_

_Fan Girl Queen_

_P.S. Take care of Link_

Neko sighed and had a moment of silence for the fallen Fan Girl Queen. A single tear rolled down her cheek as she remembered the happiness she had had over the past few days…

She gripped the Pen tightly, determined.

"I swear to you, on this day, that I, Neko, shall take up the task of Fan Girl Queen. I vow to create fan fics that surpass the level of sanity…and to create pairings _never_ thought of before!" She raised the Pen. "And I promise to you, Fan Girl Queen, to take good care of Link…"

She pulled out a cell phone and dialed a number.

"Yes, I need a ride." She paused. "I have a fan fic to write…"

The End

-for real-

* * *

**Ahh… Thus ends The Lord of the Pen trilogy…or is it? Mwuhahaha! No really, that's the end. Didn't expect it, huh? Hee hee! I really enjoyed creating this and hearing what you all had to say. 'sniff' I promised myself I wouldn't cry! 'sniff' Waahhhh! Ok, enough with that!**

**Special thanks goes to Summer and Yoko Kiara for always being there. Plus Annabell Mor'loki. And to all you readers who didn't review but read anyway, You're appreciated! Also, thanks to Serafina. (Its done now, you can read it) 'glares evilly' I'd also like to mention my cast who have been forced into this story against their wills… Anyway!**

**Hope you've enjoyed it! As usual with any ending notes, I wont see you next chap but See ya anyway!**

"**I don't think it'd be very smart for Cloud Strife to be walking around half naked in a fangirl infested wasteland, don't you?"**

**-Riku**

**Why does Riku always say my fav lines? -O.o- Oh well…**

**See ya!**


End file.
